floating through subnivian space
Archive for April, 2010
late night thunders
dim lit rooms
wind flirting with rain
wet windowpanes by candlelight
wind-chimes in melody uncluttered of human touch
rain spoke to me, with every droplet of heaven tracing through my skin, disappearing past my heart, disappearing somewhere a tantalizing touch.
`.. loooves it.
but knowing the pathetic haram mess you are + my neverending compassion for you + your distraught, lost existence of everything that makes a man ( – a steady job )
I will pray for you
I will pray differently than I did a solid 2 years ago
because
after all this, I don’t freaking know why I care!
but
i
do
LaH
&& not to feel like a complete hypocrite’ currently so am I .. a haram pathetic mess that is.
& somebody’s got to do the job … to un-haram ………..& ya … lost the thought.
so this is what ‘true’ (shameonme) love does to you huh, must I rot in hell forever for your arse
Between time and a goldfish capability to store anything in memory, I’m way overdue in coming about in all my heartlessly b!tc|-|y glory, that one that defined who I was, my shield against the ugliest personalities in human existence. Somewhere, innocence cut me by the throat. . . god damn.
There is a difference between ‘ignorance is bliss’ & ‘ignorant by education’. Mind you and mind me, they both serve amazing results to successions of human dynasty, power struggles justified, inequaility glorified, injustice blamed on the victim . . and an utterly impossible sense of self-worth. Ignorance’ is bliss. Ignorance is the shield that makes you selfish, that is the enabler of every *****r******n souless B&B out there.
And somewhere along the way, most of us forget or just simply disbelieve in any existence of God.
He himself seems to favour the deathly cold . . but hey that is the point of perseverance, patience, experiential learning.
There is a bigger difference in what I feel now, dictated by a fast (yet excruciatingly slow) comingbouts’ in this translucent black water personality of mine. All it took was 3.5 days watching myself succumb to cruel BUT truest reality &&& then 4.5 days of watching myself rise up slowly’ with more hatred anchored to the abysmal ocean of my torrid existence. . . heartbreak redefined, faith renewed, life thrown in perspective without the deadly grip of “hope”, of “what if`s”.
Hopefully it stays, for it will fuel my motivation to ….. everything.
. . and when I have remained heartless long enough to establish my foundation that’s broken in too many peices; I will return to you, I will return to innocence. I will hopefully shed this snaky skin and embrace life just like I did before I stepped into the real world; without all my safety nets.
Come back to me, . . For I never left while you left me.
Remember me, . . the stifing process of healing will begin.
Recognize me, . . I still look the same despite all that’s destroyed.
Accept me, we are two halves of One.
This vicious cycle of self blame is also done. Pucker Up, find that cloak & move on forth’ if you want to live.
I guess the most effective blow is the one that comes fast and teaches you in a split second’ what your dreams are made of.
I am not bitter today. I am real today.
Live free but keep death in mind
choose your affections but watch your true will
feel nature in every heartbeat but realize destitution
walk a mile but with the walk of life aligned
mean what you say but joke with a grin
exile in happiness but remember tragedy’s a step behind
be a lover but keep your soul in your vision
